|
THE PECULIAR STORY OF FRANK AND HIS FRIEND MR STIMS, THE HYDROPHOBE
So anyway, like I was saying, I was sitting comfortably in this nice chair when Mr Stims
told me what he wanted to do with his invention. But please don’t interrupt me again,
because I am going to forget what I was saying and wouldn’t be able to tell you the whole
story of what happened that day. And please, could you turn off that bright lamp? It is
making my eyes sore.
The two detectives looked at each other and one of them reached out to switch off the lamp.
Let me begin again from the start, as I can’t remember now what I have already told you.
My name is Frank. I finished school two years ago. I stay at home most of the time and
watch TV. I live with my mum. I like her a lot. She is very smart and knows about
everything. So I don’t see what’s wrong with saying, “That’s what my mum told me”, but the
other kids used to laugh when I said that and called me a retard, which would make me
angry. Now I can’t hang out with them any more; my mum tells me I have a bad temper and
could hurt them.
My only friend is my next door neighbour Mr Stims. I enjoy being with him. I like the
brain games that he is so good at inventing. The game that I particularly like is the one
in which he asks me to guess what he is thinking of at that very moment. It is not an easy
game to play at all.
Usually I spend time in his living room, where we drink tea, eat some biscuits and discuss
interesting topics. But that day Mr Stims invited me into his study room, and asked me to
sit in a comfortable chair beside his desk. He himself sat behind the desk, on which lay
writing pads and folders, all neatly organised.
After staring at me in silence with an odd look in his eyes for about a minute, Mr Stims
started talking: “For the past five years, I have been engrossed in a fiendishly
difficult task, as you probably have noticed. I no longer need to be secretive about what
I do. But I did want to apologise for being evasive and unpredictable in the past.”
He was right. He never told me what he did for a living, but it seemed to me that he was
spending much of his time working on some scientific problem. All his rooms were
cluttered with books, whose titles I didn’t understand, and papers that were covered with
calculations and formulas. And his strange ways did confuse me sometimes. I remember once
asking him how he would like to be remembered, and it produced an odd reaction in him. He
turned all kinds of colours, first red, then white and only replied that he had great
hopes for the future. Another time I told him that we don’t know much about the oceans,
and that there could be big sea monsters and other curious fishes living in their depths.
For some reason, he got all agitated and started going on about the chemical properties of
water. Then, suddenly, he stopped in mid-sentence and started talking about something
completely different. But I still find him a fascinating person to be with. He knows so
many things and can always answer my questions.
Mr Stims continued: “You might remember from your school days, my friend, what a polar
molecule is. Well, water just happens to be comprised of polar molecules. This fact is the
linchpin of my work.”
I did not actually remember anything about those molecules. To tell the truth, I really do
not recall much from my school days. I was always surrounded by people brighter than me,
which made me afraid to speak up and say what I thought, in case I might say something
stupid. That is why I like Mr Stims so much. He has never seen me as a fool and is always
happy to listen and explain things to me.
“The fact that it is a polar molecule, does that suggest anything to you, Frank?” he
asked. Not waiting for my reply, as he usually does, he continued: “I will get straight to
the point. For your benefit, I will state it in simplified terms. The water molecule is a
charged particle. Charged particles respond to magnetic fields. By creating a magnetic
force of appropriate strength and by aligning it in the right direction, we can separate
the water molecule into its constituent parts! We can turn liquid water into the gases of
hydrogen and oxygen. The theory behind it is of course much more complicated than that,
but what I have just stated is my work in a nutshell.”
He stopped talking for a short while, to give me time to understand what he had just
said. But to be honest with you, I did not really see the point of it all. I thought it
would be much better if you could go the other way and make water out of gases, so that
people everywhere would have enough to drink.
He then went on: “The idea sounds simple enough. Let me tell you, putting it into practice
was another kettle of fish. The years that I have spent trying to create functional
apparatus, attempting to discover the right alignment. Failure followed failure. Many a
time I was tempted to throw it all up in the air and just walk away. Only one hope kept me
going. I cannot say it was a well-defined sensation, but it was something like…well, that
by achieving my goal, all my past deeds would gain the meaning they were lacking.”
I looked closely at Mr Stims’ face. Sweat had gathered on his forehead and there was a
distant look in his eyes, but it quickly disappeared.
He then said: “Let me tell you a little of my past, as it will explain to some degree the
present. I was a brilliant university student, majoring in chemistry. I was heading
straight for a conventional academic career. But my personality did not sit well with the
scholastic surroundings. The claustrophobic atmosphere and the daily routine were stifling
my natural creativity. The imperiousness of the professors, the ceaseless competitiveness
prevalent amongst the students… Once I left the university, there was no way back. To this
day I remain an outsider to the scientific community. You, Frank, are the first person in
the world to hear of my achievement.”
Although I was flattered, I still thought it would be better if water was made out of the
invisible gases.
“But what are we waiting for!” he exclaimed. “Actions speak louder than words. Just one
minute and I will show you how it works.”
While he was gone, I stretched my legs; they had almost gone to sleep. I also had an itch
on my back where a mosquito bit me and I gave it a good scratch. I could not do that while
Mr Stims was in the room. When I am with him, I try to behave properly so that he will
respect me. I remembered dinnertime was coming soon and wondered what my mum had cooked
for me. I hoped that it would be fish fingers with mashed potatoes. That’s my most
favourite meal in the whole world.
My friend wasn’t gone for long. When he came back, he was carrying a small, shiny box and
a full glass of water. I thought it was really nice of him to bring me water, because I
was really thirsty. I was about to reach out my hand and say “Thank you Mr Stims, it’s
really thoughtful of you”, when he put that shiny box over the top of the glass. There was
a hissing sound and the water disappeared before my eyes. Well, it didn’t actually
disappear straight away. For a second, it looked like the water was cut in half, like a
fresh bread roll with a sharp knife, and then both halves vanished. I was a bit miffed, as
I really did want to drink that water, but still the sight was so amazing I could not help
crying out: “WOW!”
The room filled up with a funny smell, like a cross between rotten eggs and fresh
pineapple. Mr Stims must have noticed me sniffing for he said: “That’s hydrogen, one of
water’s components. It is released by the process. You have to be very careful with
hydrogen. It’s a highly flammable gas.”
I knew he expected me to say how impressed I was and I did say so. He didn’t reply for a
while and then he started a long speech. I am sorry, mister policemen, but I can only
remember bits of it.
“I have great plans, great plans. Imagine magnifying the strength of this machine a
hundredfold, a thousandfold. Look at the map of the world, Frank! Look at how much space
is taken by the oceans. Two thirds of our planet is water. Two thirds! How much land is
wasted because of it! So many regions are overpopulated. This leads to stress, stress
leads to crime. And on top of that, world population is growing at a faster and faster
rate. What use is ocean water? We certainly cannot drink it. And in any case, many regions
that are now ocean used to be land once. We need to reclaim that land. And we need not
stop there. The time has come for the oceans to go! We will make them disappear, just like
the water in this glass. Certainly, this might cause some climate changes, but they will
be easily fixed. And just imagine – land, land, land everywhere! One great continuous
continent! No barriers between countries! The whole world finally united as one, living in
peace! Room to plant crops, room for cattle to roam! Spaciousness that at present mankind
doesn’t even dare to dream of! Whole continents underneath the oceans are just waiting for
us to populate them! The potentialities are breathtaking in their scope! Yes, there will
be a price to pay. And that price will be paid by the ocean inhabitants. But we need not
concern ourselves with that. Intelligence arose on land and it is the land dwellers that
will rule this planet. And I will go down in history as the man who made it all possible,
the new saviour of humanity!”
Mr Stims was getting very excited. Whenever he gets excited, he walks from one end of the
room to another and waves his arms around. Well, he was certainly doing that then; his
arms swung like the blades of a windmill and he shouted out: “Liberation from the tyranny
of water! The time has come! The possibilities are endless!”
It was all very interesting but as I was getting rather hungry, I kept thinking more about
the fish fingers with the mashed potatoes. It was then that a terrifying thought startled
me so much that I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. I realised that without
oceans there would be no more fish, and without fish there would be no more fish fingers
for me to eat. As I said before, fish fingers really are my most favourite food.
I said: “Hey, wait a minute Mr Stims. I really like fish fingers. You can’t kill all the
fish. Give me that shiny thing! I don’t want you to destroy the oceans.” “Fish, shmish’’,
he replied. “Who needs them? They don’t sing, you can’t pat them and they smell terrible.”
He refused to give me the box. A scuffle broke out between us, because I was getting a bit
angry about not being able to eat fish fingers any more, all because of his silly
invention. I reached out for the gadget and tried to take it away from him; it was then
that I accidentally pressed the round red button on its top. What happened next was the
strangest thing of all. You know when you blow up a balloon, and then let it go without
tying it up and it flies all around the room, letting out air. Well, something similar
happened to Mr Stims. All this vapour started coming out of his eyes, nostrils and mouth
and he was getting thinner and thinner and changing in shape before my very eyes. Then he
just fell to the floor, or rather what was left of him, for by now he looked like a
gigantic squashed raisin.
“I am sorry about this, Mr Stims”, I said to him, “but I really do like fish fingers.” I
then took the box that was lying on the floor and broke it into small pieces. You both
know what happened after that.
The two detectives looked at each other and one of them said: “Looks like it’s going to be
a long night for all of us, Frank.”
|
|
